The Bathroom: Not Your Personal Internet Café — It’s Time to “Shit and Split!”

The Modern Bathroom Dilemma

Ah, the bathroom: a sanctuary, a place of solitude, and for some, an unofficial extension of the home office or entertainment room. With the advent of smartphones and tablets, the bathroom experience has transformed from a quick “in-and-out” to a prolonged session of scrolling, swiping, and even Skyping. But let’s get real — the bathroom is not an Internet café. It’s time to bring back the good old principle of “shit and split!”

The Bathroom: Not Your Personal Internet Café — It’s Time to “Shit and Split!”
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The Rise of the Bathroom Browsers

The Throne is Not a Desk

Some folks treat the toilet as if it’s a plush, ergonomic chair in a cozy café, complete with Wi-Fi and a charging station. Newsflash: it’s not. The toilet is designed for one primary function, and it’s not to catch up on your Twitter feed or beat your high score in Candy Crush.

The Porcelain Time-Suck

Before you know it, you’ve spent 30 minutes in the bathroom, and all you have to show for it is numb legs and a timeline full of memes. Time is a precious commodity, people! Those minutes could have been spent doing something productive or, you know, actually interacting with real human beings.

The Hazards of Loo-Lingering

Germs, Germs, Germs!

Let’s talk hygiene. The longer you stay, the more you expose yourself (and your gadgets) to the germs and bacteria that call your bathroom home. Do you really want to take those microscopic hitchhikers back to your bed or dining table?

The Queue of Desperation

If you live with family or roommates, hogging the bathroom is a surefire way to make yourself unpopular. There’s always that one person who urgently needs to go while you’re deep into a Reddit thread. Don’t be the cause of someone’s “potty dance” of desperation.

The Art of “Shit and Split”

The Three P’s: Poop, Paper, Part

The bathroom mantra should be simple: Poop, wipe with paper, and part ways. No dilly-dallying, no unnecessary lingering. Do your business and make your exit. It’s as simple as that.

The Five-Minute Rule

Set yourself a time limit. Five minutes is more than enough for the average bathroom visit. If you find yourself reaching for your phone, resist the urge. Remember, the Internet will still be there when you get out.

Reclaim the Bathroom for its True Purpose

The bathroom is not a lounge, an office, or an Internet café. It’s a place to take care of business — the kind that doesn’t involve emails, social media, or online shopping. So the next time you feel the urge to settle in for a prolonged bathroom break, remember the principle of “shit and split.” Your roommates, family, and even your own well-being will thank you.

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