The Best Time to Call Me? Never. Please Text.

You know that friend who always has their phone on silent, responds to every call with a text, and whose voicemail is eternally full? Hi, that’s me. When it comes to communication, I follow one simple rule: the best time to call me is—well, never. Please text.

The Best Time to Call Me? Never. Please Text.

The Sound of Silence

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he probably didn’t predict a generation of people who would prefer to never use it for its original purpose. “Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you.” Great start, Bell, but what about, “Mr. Watson, don’t come here, just text me.”

My phone is often on silent—not vibrate, but the absolute, no-exceptions silence. Why, you ask? There’s something beautiful about the hushed ping of a text arriving, an email hitting your inbox, or the tranquility that comes with no noise at all.

Here’s Johnny…With a Text

Ever seen ‘The Shining’? Remember the moment when Jack Nicholson bursts through the door with an axe? That’s how it feels when my phone rings—an unexpected, mini heart attack. A text, on the other hand, is like a knock on the door, a civilized “Here’s Johnny!” without the dramatic entrance.

The Art of the Text

Texting is like a modern form of haiku—it forces you to condense your thoughts into concise, bite-sized messages. Have a full-blown conversation in short, written bursts? Challenge accepted. The beauty lies in the brevity, the wit in the words. It’s an art form in itself.

Voicemail? What Voicemail?

And let’s not forget about the dreaded voicemail. The robotic voice stating, “You have… 17… new voicemails.” Each one a monologue I could have read in half the time. If my voicemail box is full, consider it less an oversight and more a hint. Again, just text.

It’s Not You, It’s Just…Ok, It’s You

If you’re still unsure about the best time to call, let me simplify: just text. Birthdays, holidays, emergencies, weekends, weekdays, day, night, sunrise, sunset—just text. After all, if you’ve got my number, you’ve got my attention, but only if it pings, not rings.

So, here’s to silent phones, full voicemail boxes, and the glorious ping of a text message. The best time to call me? Trick question—just text. You’ll not only save time, but you’ll also save me from that ‘Shining’ reenactment.

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